Happy New Year 2009

Well Happy New Year to you all . The beginnings of a new year for me is a start, a fresh look at whats ahead . I like to think and plan out what I might like and want to do for the year . But this year in America, it is grim I must say . People are losing jobs , Med insurance ( us) , there homes. gessh! Its hard to look at this year as a new beginning when you have all this shit going on . But I will stay positive for now . Try to look on the bright side after all we have a new president who has promised a change . Lots of new art projects I want to try out . Maybe a move ............. more on that later . So Happy New year to everyone . I will get 2009 a chance .

Thoughts

I am going to go and buy a laptop today I am taking an eclass with Suzi Blu and I cant watch the videos she makes on my DVD player as I can only put them on CDs. Plus I am going to the farm for a few weeks . I need to get out of this neighborhood for a while . I am housebound . I had a friend in my neighbors next door but she is as crazy as an old bat . She thought I blabbed on of her " secrets " I didn't and now wont speak to me . The crazy thing is I knew she was always like this crazy and paranoid but for some reason didn't think she would not trust me . how foolish was that train of thought . Of course she never trusted me she didn't trust ANYONE!!!!!!! Thinks everyone here is out to get her, steal from her and damage what she owns . Christ where have I been living . I must have had my head up my dam ass to believe she even cared. Now I am lumped in with all the other "whores and thief's" (and names and words I refuse to use here.) I have retreated to staying inside and minding my own business because I know her mouth is very busy now blabbing about what a shitty friend I was . so I am going to the farm for a few weeks . Where it is peaceful, quiet, and beautiful. Where there is no crime, no drug dealers , no crazy old bats , whores , or thief's, no gossip or dirty looks . PEACE. PEACE. PEACE. PEACE

Thoughts

I found out today that yet another friend has cancer . This friend is so young . I seem to be surrounded by it lately . This friend I am worried about . This cancer can be very bad . I will keep her in my thoughts and in my heart . I was chatting with another friend about a group I used to be on . I loved being on this group but I became friends with a very mentally ill person ( I didnt know that at the time ) and ended up getting badly hurt by her which of course being in a group setting didnt stay between the two of us ( not my doing ) so there were alot of bad feeling toward me . Even though I didnt and still dont know what I did to this person for her to turn on me like she did . And I have since learned that she had and has since done this to many on the group . But anyways that is water under the bridge as they say . She was saying to me that alot of people have said that they miss me there and would like me to come back . that this hateful person isnt around much any more and that there alot of new people on the group and it has change alot . But I honestly have moved on and just dont think I want to go back to that again . I dont know why its so hard for others to be friends . Whats so hard about being a friend to someone . You either like them or you dont . Why go to all the trouble to getting to know them if you dont like them in the first place . LOLOL Any ways . all for now .